Keeping in Touch After the Breakup

by Melissa on November 24, 2010 · 0 comments

Sex and the City‘s Carrie Bradshaw incessantly asked questions in her newspaper column about relationships.  As I sit here by myself, learning about things that the ex is now up to, I can’t help but wonder today “ever regret keeping in touch after the breakup?”

goodbye

My ex and I promised that just because we were no longer going to be seeing each other we’d maintain a solid friendship.  Finally, after 3 years of cheating, lies, broken promises and a general unhealthy relationship (that I could only REALLY see once I stepped back and took a peek from the perspective of everyone else looking in) it was finally time to acknowledge that it was really over.  Contact had to be cut off and limited to very seldom telephone conversations and the odd email perhaps once per month — if that.  It’s hard though, no doubt.  It’s hard to go from essentially living with someone, having them know every single deep dark secret, the good the bad and the downright embarrassing –to being completely alone.  I suppose he didn’t have the same struggles I did.  After all, he had his relationship with her to fall back on.

To this day, contact still has not been completely severed and we still exchange the odd email, text or phone call… but compared to how it was when we were together, I can honestly say I never thought I’d ever be able to be at this point.  To be very honest, most days, I don’t wish to have contact with him.  But every now and then I think of something that is totally him, or would make him laugh, or just something that he’d appreciate to know and just have to reach out to him.

and how can you mend a broken heart

Part of me wants to hang on to the last little bit of him that I can and another part of me wants to throw him under the bus.  Expose him for the bad person he was to me (insofar that he made thousands of promises and didn’t keep a single one).  Of course I know better and will not name names.  He shall be an anonymous being.  And of course I also know that I cannot afford myself the bad karma that would surely come along with such exposee.  There are parts of me that wish I could just find the strength to cut him off completely and not have any continued contact.  I wish I could fade into the backstory of his life, like so many others before.  Heck, I wish he could fade into the backstory of mine.

As I read what I have written thus far, I imagine I come off as a very bitter girl.  And in some ways, yes I am.  I am bitter.  I am angry.  I am hurt.  The only difference is that there is such a great level of nonchalance in my attitude towards what was us, that I do not let those negative feelings take over too much or too often.  I have always adopted the attitude that things happen for a reason.  People come in and out of our lives for many different reasons and every relationship (friendship, love relationship, family relationship, etc.) is there to teach you something about yourself.

I cannot wish him well in this new endeavor of his — this new chapter of his life –but I would never wish anything bad to happen either.

So to answer the question I posed at the beginning… No I don’t regret keeping in touch after the breakup with him, even if some days it causes me so much pain.  What doesn’t kill us, definitely makes us stronger.  We live and learn.  We love and get hurt.  And it’s only from letting ourselves experience both the love and the hurt and everything in between that we can truly find who we are, ourselves.

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